this should’ve been the movie poster
Lmao no problemo anon friend :)
LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH
WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS
I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT
FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING
THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS
rub me on your body
ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT
IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF
I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.
i’m so fucked up
AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE
I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.
IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER
0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN
45 46 47 48 49 50 60 69
45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
I honestly haven’t had a whole lot of injuries in my life because I’m always really careful (it’s my brother with the injuries). ((DONT READ BELOW IF YOURE NOT OKAY WITH BLOOD OR MINOR WOUNDS)) I was a really dumb and gullible first grader though and I was bullied in elementary school and these fifth graders convinced me to put my finger in a handheld pencil sharpener and I would be able to write with my fingernail? It didn’t work. I basically ended up mauling my finger but it was ok because it was only really the nail but it bled and I had to go to the doctor (not the hospital).
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Yes and no? It was on the ground because it was hurt or something and I put my finger by it and it crawled on and I carried it to safety. It was a monarch (MY FAVORITE KIND) and I was in like fifth grade (yeah because I was a safety patrol at the time and I carried it to the butterfly garden by my shift)
47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
I’ve never really liked considering my interests “obsessions” but then again, I used to be terrified to call my “minor fear of spiders” a full blown phobia.
48) What’s your sexual orientation?
OK HERES TIME FOR MY SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Like I said I’m not particularly “sexual” but I don’t really consider myself ace. I guess I’m straight (but mostly I would consider that my romantic orientation) I DONT KNOW AND I DONT PARTICULARLY CARE FOR LABELING MYSELF AT THIS CURRENT TIME, but I’ve never really considered myself anything but straight :/
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
I’ve had rumors spread when I was in the hospital that I would “infect the entire school”. And it didn’t help that I had a cough and pertussis was going around. (But I didn’t have it!!!) Even teachers were bugging me about it and it was kinda awful especially because it was in SIXTH GRADE!!! Little baby sixth grade cate.
50) Do you believe in magic?
IN A YOUNG GIRLS HEART
HOW THE MUSIC CAN FREE HER WHENEVER IT STARTS
ok but really idk? I don’t want to say a definite no about any of that stuff
60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
I’m wearing a pink shirt.
69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
LOUD HUFF. This is really tmi. I’m embarrassed. No, I have not.
THANK YOU ANONNIE.
I’m pretty sure I’m straight. EDIT: excuse my ignorance. I don’t really have a particular sexuality right now because I’ve never really felt any “sexual urges” or whatever and I’ve never done anything so
4) What do you think about most?
I don’t really know? My mind is usually whirling around so it’s usually thinking about whatever I’m doing atm?? If not then maybe something I’m looking forward to? I try NOT to dwell on unhappy thoughts because that NEVER ends well for me (tonight unfortunately was an example of that ;;)
7) What’s your strangest talent?
Strange? Idk, I can do archery left handed, even though I’m a righty? There’s probably something stranger that I’m good at but I can’t think of anything because I’m tired
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
My greatest weakness is probably my shyness, social anxiety, self doubt, how I keep second guessing myself, and my overall lack of confidence. my greatest strength is probably my intelligence
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING THESE SWEETIE!!!!!!